TOP 30 SINGLES OF 2012: 10 - 1

10. King of Hearts - Cassie

If you had told me in 2011 that one of the best singles of the year would come from the oft-forgotten Cassie, I would have... well, I would've believed you, actually (CASSIEFAN4LYF).  This song was released on Valentine's Day, giving me a greater gift than any of my imaginary lovers could've possibly given.  I love that this is a song where Cassie's paper thin vocals actually add something to the track, she never reaches outside her comfort zone.  Plus, the climax of that final chorus is enough to make anyone lose their mind on the dancefloor.  Chart positions aside, King of Hearts will go down as one of the most unjustly overlooked bangers of 2012.

9. Black Heart - Stooshe

Black Heart was not the single I thought I wanted from Stooshe.  It was the antithesis of the trashy but fun Fuck Me, in the very best way possible.  You couldn't go anywhere without hearing this song in the Summer and I had very high hopes for the girls after it peaked at #3.  Where would they go next?  Would they rival Little Mix as our next great girl group?  Turns out they released a cover of Waterfalls and had their album pushed back to 2013.  But even if 2012 is the biggest year for Stooshe, at least we'll have Black Heart to fondly remember them by.

8. National Anthem - Lana Del Rey

I put this on here because, even though the demo is still much better, the song deserves to be here.  As does the video.  If someone were to ask me who Lana was or what her whole shtick was, I'd show them this.  It sums up Born To Die nicely, while managing to sidestep the slightly sickly Lolita persona she adopts sometimes.  Plus, she makes one hell of a Marilyn.

7. Lolita - The Veronicas

We may have ended up having to wait a little longer for their third album than we hoped, but what's a few more months when this is our appetiser?  In retrospect, I'm not surprised this song wasn't a hit.  It's too far from the safe side of the dance sound on radio today and the video is more than a little weird.  I just hope it's disappointing chart position doesn't result in Life On Mars becoming an album full of the pop rock of their debut.  Lolita was a progression for the girls, I don't want to see them wind back the clock in an attempt to get a hit.

6. Ride - Lana Del Rey

Lana finished 2012 with this sweeping ballad and it's masterpiece of a video.  It may feature one too many moustaches for my liking, but it still managed to prove that music videos CAN double as mini movies without being overwrought and desperate.

5. Kiss You - One Direction

After releasing the musical equivalent of Nyquil with Little Things, One Direction wisely upped the ante with this as their third single from Take Me Home.  I think my favourite thing about this song (aside from the use of the phrase "chinny chin chin") is how earnestly the boys sing the chorus. It's as if they really don't know whether listeners actually get that kind of rush every time they touch them, as if they don't really know whether we'd take them home.  Don't be silly, Zayn.  Everyone wants to take you home. EVERYONE.

4. The Boys - Nicki Minaj (feat. Cassie)

And now we have the second and final appearances from Nicki and Cassie in my countdown.  When I heard that Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded was going to be getting a re release, I was ready for another Red One produced smash hit.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Right?  Well Nicki managed to break it (her run of successful singles) with The Boys.  It was an attempt to show all the haters that she could still rap better than any of the other women in the game.  Turns out, no one gave much of a fuck and the song was eventually demoted to 'buzz single' status.  It's a shame, but what do you expect when you choose Cassie as your featured artist? Was it a flop? Yes. Was it a bad song? Definitely not.  After all, it has a reference to Blossom in it.  A reference that rap music was sorely missing, am I right? Hopefully Eminem references Clarissa Explains It All on his next album.

 

3. Your Body - Christina Aguilera

I give up, Christina.  I get that you had a tough couple of years.  Unsold copies of Bionic are currently being melted down to create Lady Gaga's next tour stage.  Burlesque was cruelly ignored by the Acadamy.  So when Max Martin gifts you with this wonder of a song, what do you do? Do you promote it? Do you use your platform as a judge on The Voice to perform it to millions of viewers? Do you sing it at the AMAs? No. You perform it with a stapler on Jimmy Fallon.  You know what you can do with that stapler, Christina? Shove it up your ass. For shame, woman. For shame. What a waste. Oh the humanity. (The video's a hoot though.)

2. Something New - Girls Aloud

When I first heard this song, I swear to God, I lost the feeling in my face.  It was the perfect reintroduction to the greatest girlband ever (and yes, I'm including the Spice Girls).  There's a part of this song where each member takes a few words of the line, like they're fighting each other to be heard. It's hectic, it's bizarre and it's one of the many reasons this song is one of their finest singles ever.  Other reasons? "Follow the leader!", "I LIKE IT LIKE THAT!", "TAKE A WALK ON THE WILD SIIIDE OF LIFE".   The video is also quite lovely.  Look how happy Nadine Coyle is to be filming a music video instead of cleaning up puke at Irish Mist. Just look at her.

1. Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding

Do you ever listen to a song and it gives you a sudden urge to walk up to a stranger and hug them?  A song that makes you so deliriously happy it seems nothing could ever irritate you again?

Me either, but Ellie came pretty close with this single.  It's a song that means something different to me every time I play it.  Like today, for instance.  On the second last day of the year, it means "You know what, Mark? Anything COULD happen.  Maybe 2013 will be the year you stop falling asleep in lectures? Maybe you'll get discovered in the shopping centre and quickly become famous as a world class lip syncer?  Maybe you'll meet the love of your life while dancing to Scream & Shout in a nightclub? Or maybe 2013 will be a carbon copy of 2012 except with less money?"

Whatever it means to me, it always makes me smile.  And it turns out, in 2012, there was little more I wanted from a song.

TOP 30 SINGLES OF 2012: 20 - 11

20. Girl Gone Wild - Madonna

Let's call a spade a spade.  MDNA was not the album most of us wanted.  What was supposed to be a declaration of her unwavering rule as Queen of Pop ended up being Madonna's cry for help after being left at the back of the class.  When Girl Gone Wild first came out, I was thoroughly disappointed.  Months later, I've come to appreciate it as one of the only moments on the album where Madonna sounds at home.  Even when she's clearly not trying, she still manages to pull it out of the hat. She also gets props for the extremely sexy video.

19. Enough Said - Aaliyah (feat. Drake)

When I first heard news of a posthumous Aaliyah album, I was ecstatic. More music from a phenomenal artist taken far too soon.  When I first heard Drake was going to be heavily involved, I was crestfallen.  Drake never even met the woman, what would he know about creating an album for her?  When I finally heard Enough Said, I was once again prepared for the album.  Those haunting vocals were a clear reminder that it wouldn't matter who was involved, Aaliyah's talent would ultimately reign supreme.  Now, if we can just keep the whining from Drake at a minimum, I think we're all ready for that album now.

18. Pound The Alarm - Nicki Minaj

This is the first of two Minaj tracks on my countdown.  2012 was a year in which Nicki proved that it wasn't necessary to be likeable in order to create brilliant pop music.  Starships, Pound The Alarm and the I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS WASN'T A FUCKING SINGLE Whip It paved the way for Nicki to take over every radio station and gay bar in the world.  That speed bump known as The Re-Up may have put this plan on the back burner for now, but the pop tracks on Roman Reloaded are my proof that she still has it in her to become the next huge pop star.  After all, if she's good enough for Britney...

17. I Knew You Were Trouble - Taylor Swift

SHE'S OFFICIALLY A POP STAR NOW!

(I was going to put the video of Selena Gomez's dance to this here instead, but I decided against it.  However, any fellow hair-flip porn enthusiasts like myself should seek the video out immediately.)

16. Do It Like That (Fred Falke remix) - Ricki Lee

Imagine, if you will, a half an hour sex session.  It's pleasant.  You both enjoy yourself and fall asleep in a light embrace.  This experience is the single version of Do It Like That.  Now imagine sex that is so good you have to take a few hours afterwards to try and remember your name and where you are.  This experience is the Fred Falke remix of Do It Like That. Seriously. It's that good.

15. Where Have You Been - Rihanna

It stills baffles me that this song wasn't number one in every country this Summer. I mean, Rihanna even danced in the video! Well... did some sort of vagina boxing thing, but regardless, if she was willing to assault her own pubic region in order to give us a good video, we should've rewarded her by making this single the biggest one she's ever had. Shame on us. Shame on all of us.

14. Under The Sun - Cheryl

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I am not a fan of Cheryl's solo career.  For the most part, her albums have been little more than a slap in the face to her loyal fan base.  But when A Million Lights got it right, it got it really fucking right.  Case in point, number 14 on this countdown.  Under The Sun didn't sound like any other Cheryl song we'd ever heard, or like anything else on the radio.  Which probably explains why it didn't exactly set the charts alight.  It was a rare thing, a song in which Cheryl didn't sound like she was trying very hard.  It's also much better than Call My Name. It's true. Face it everyone.  Special mention must go out to the part in the middle 8 where Cheryl demands we all go down on her, as it is hilarious and not at all as subtle as the producers probably thought it was.

13. Livin' It Up - Ciara

I'm not sure this was actually a single anywhere in the world.  Not that it matters, Ciara singles are about as relevant as Lauren Conrad novels these says, but this song was a ridiculously catchy reminder that she was still alive and able to give us a bouncy pop tune.  

12. Troublemaker - Olly Murs (feat. Flo Rida)

It's everyone's favourite cheeky chappy Olly Murs being cheeky in a video in which he cheekily flirts with a girl he hopes will one day call him HER cheeky chappy.  He's so cheeky.  Seriously though, a song with both Olly Murs and Flo Rida should have caused the universe to explode in one douche-tastic explosion.  And yet, we're still here. You wanna know why? Because this song is very fun. 

11. Die Young - Ke$ha

Ke$ha may have suffered from a bad case of the Born-This-Ways when she was hyping up her big comeback single, but Die Young is still quite a good song.  It's not exactly a world away from her debut album, but Animal was a brilliant album so all complaints of this nature are null and void.

TOP 30 SINGLES OF 2012: 30 - 21

30. Try - P!nk

P!nk returned this year and shocked us all with her third consecutive release of I'm Not Dead. Annoying? Yes. But it was difficult to be irritated by her all too consistent music when she released Try as her second single.  While it may be a sound we've heard from her a lot over the years, it's a sound she does best.  Add the video and that AMA performance into the mix and you've got the reason she's stayed relevant all these years - she's fucking awesome.

29. Begin Again - Taylor Swift

2012 was the year I finally gave into Miss Swift.  I could no longer fight my love for her bitter 'fuck you' songs dedicated to her plethora of famous ex boyfriends.  And while We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together was a pleasant gateway into Red, it was this song that really solidified my allegiance to her.  This song is understated, honest without ever being contrived and beautiful.

28. Diamonds - Rihanna

Ah, Miss Fenty.  What can I say that hasn't already been said?  In Rihanna's future autobiography (tentatively titled 'Up In Smoke: Drug Addled Memories of an Icon') the chapter on 2012 will be called "The Year of Zero Fucks Given".  And yet, from the ashes of trashy instagram pictures, pathetic attempts to deny her reconciliation with a human toilet brush and too much marijuana, rose this song.  It's a grower, for sure, and is the shining moment on an otherwise pitch black album.  I would say it was a brave single choice but as far as 2012 goes, choosing to release this was probably one of the safest decisions she made.

27. Can't Say No - Conor Maynard

"The British Justin Bieber". Hardly. Justin provokes a reaction wherever he goes, be it deafening adoration or extreme disdain.  Conor causes neither. He is simply there (until the sophomore album, anyway).  Boring personality aside, this was a cute introduction to his music.  The album didn't really have anything quite as fun on it but that's what disposable pop stars are for, right?

26. Spirit Indestructible - Nelly Furtado

Her career proved to be anything but indestructible this year, but Nelly still managed to release one of her finest singles in Spirit Indestructible.  The hectic production mixed with the inspirational lyrics summed up the rest of the album nicely and this song is the most exhilarating song from it.  It's just a pity only 30 people heard it.

25. As Long As You Love Me - Justin Bieber.

I love Justin Bieber. You hear me, world? I love him. I love this song. I love that Michael Madsen agreed to star in a video with him. I love that we live in a world where Michael Madsen would tell his agent that he was okay with playing the father to Justin Bieber's girlfriend in a music video. Just imagine it. Must have been a lean month in the Madsen household. 

24. Go Hard (La La La) - Kreayshawn

I know what you're thinking. Yes, Kreayshawn seems like a complete idiot. If she were your friend, you'd be likely to spend a lot of your time rolling your eyes and humouring her attempts to show you just how 'bad ass' she is.  Still, she released this bratty, Ke$ha-esque single this year, which suggests to me that she's a lot more fun than she initially seemed*!

*Her fun factor is clearly directly proportional to how desperate she is for at least one hit single. But isn't this the case for all of us?

23. RIP - Rita Ora (feat. Tinie Tempah)

Rita Bora quickly became one of my favourite people this year when she broke Rob Kardashian's heart and maintained a classy silence when he proceeded to slut shame her on twitter. Sadly, it was probably the only interesting thing about her, as she released one of the most shockingly boring debut albums from a major label artist I've ever heard.  RIP still sounds great though.  It was a song I refused to listen to for a while, on the grounds that "I already have one Rihanna, I don't need a subpar one as well!" Turns out, subpar Rihanna cast offs are better than a lot of other songs. Who knew?

22. DNA - Little Mix

The UK needed a new girl group. As much as I love them, I have to accept that Girls Aloud are not long for this world after the Ten tour.  The Sugababes managed to kill themselves in an ill timed (and shit) release of the dubsteppy (and shit) Freedom. And the less said about The Saturdays, the better.  Little Mix are a much needed breath of fresh air.  I was listening to this on the way to work today and it hit me just how brilliant it is.  I suggest you all play DNA on your iPods on the bus, while a confused old man stares at you and talks to himself. Because that, my friends, is how I came to appreciate it fully.

21. Lemonade - Alexandra Stan

This song makes no fucking sense. The lyrics make no sense. Why is it about lemonade? And most importantly, why haven't I been able to get it out of my head for the past five months?

The Veronicas - Lolita (Music Video)

Music label boss: "So the song Lolita is about sexual politics between older men and younger women, I say we go for an all out sexy video. Tight outfits, slow motion shots of your glistening bodies and so many 'come to bed' glances at the camera that every viewer will be turned on! What do you think?"

The Veronicas: "We were thinking more along the lines of us heading an underground gang on a mission to murder a two headed monster."

Music label boss: "... That doesn't sound like there's a lot of room for sexiness in this video. I don't get it."

The Veronicas: *give him a pitying stare, laugh to each other as they disappear in a cloud of smoke*

At least, that's how I imagine The Veronicas' described their video treatment for Lolita to their label.  And after watching the video, I can see why no one would disagree with them.

The video is a nightmarish visual to accompany the slightly deranged song and is easily one of the best music videos of the year thus far.  The whole Lolita campaign just reinforces the idea that The Veronicas are really in a league of their own when it comes to pop music.  Any song that can make a dubstep breakdown sound fresh at this point is a work of genius, and while other pop stars are content to make their videos a dedication to the pioneering work of plastic surgeons without a plot in sight, Lisa and Jess have produced something truly memorable that compliments the song perfectly. I don't recall anyone putting quite so much effort into a video apart from the Queen of 'Giving It My All', Miss Germanotta, and when it comes to music videos, being compared to her is not always a bad thing.  

Ugh, I just love it. Love love love it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go practice my intimidating glaring until I've reached this level of intensity:

The Veronicas - Lolita

They're back!

After a long, long five year wait the coolest twins on the planet (yeah, that's right Olsen twins, up your game) The Veronicas have returned to the music scene with the first single from their third album Life On Mars.  I have to admit I was a little concerned the girls would be abandoning the dance pop sound they perfected on Hook Me Up in favour of a more rock-tinged sound.  Luckily for me, Lolita takes the frantic sound of Hook Me Up highlights Take Me On The Floor and the title track and makes it a whole lot darker and just a little fucked up.  

Obsession, desperation and addictions, lyrically the song delves a little deeper into the girls' minds than their music has before (they recently admitted the song dealt with issues they had come up against in the music industry as young women).  The song is a thumping club anthem, and by far the most dance-orientated sound The Veronicas have showcased.  In fact, the song is so far removed from what I expected, I had to double check I wasn't listening to a remix of the song.

Still, it's a direction that suits them.  The Veronicas' mix of raw lyrics and dancefloor ready production resulted in Hook Me Up being one of the best pop albums of the last few years and with Lolita as the trailer single, it will come as no surprise if Life On Mars solidifies their status as one of the most exciting pop acts around.  

"You're making a comeback I'm taking your crown"

5/5

Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness Music Video

Oh Lana, you've done it again.

It wasn't long ago that we were presented with the 7 minute mini-movie video for National Anthem from the long-haired beauty, and she's already bestowed upon us the visual for album favourite Summertime Sadness.  Lana has played various versions of the same role in her videos, from doomed runaway, to damsel in distress and of course first lady, and in the video for Summertime Sadness Lana is serving us sensual yet suicidal chic.

The motif of death has been glaringly obvious throughout the whole album campaign, in both the videos and the songs themselves (shocking stuff from an album called 'Born To Die') and Summertime Sadness doesn't do much to change things up.  The video depicts a doomed relationship between Lana and her stunning guest star Jamie King, and is effectively compiled of four minutes worth of footage featuring the breathtaking couple either having fun or, y'know, plummeting from great heights to their death.  The whole video calls to mind her beautiful 'doomed prom queen/Carrie' photoshoot from earlier in the year and much like the character she portrayed then, her performance in this video is hauntingly beautiful.  


It may not be uplifting, but it's a perfect marriage of song and visual, as the single itself talks of a love that may be great, but isn't going anywhere and has to hit a wall (or in the video's case, a hard ground).  It's full of silhouettes, stunning scenery and smoky transitions.  Make no mistake, the video is a work of art and is without a doubt the most effective video she has released.  Now if I could just get one video from her that doesn't have such a literal interpretation of the 'Born To Die' mantra.

4.5/5

My one complaint is that out of the six music videos released from the album, four have featured her now trademark cut and paste, heavily filtered style.  It may be pretty to look at, but it's starting to grate a bit and so I'm praying that when she's writing her treatment for the Dark Paradise video, she approaches it from a Born To Die/Blue Jeans angle as opposed to this National Anthem/Summertime Sadness style that she has since perfected. 

Amelia Lily - You Bring Me Joy

Ever since she sang her (vastly superior) rendition of E.T. during the judges' houses level of last year's X Factor, Amelia Lily Oliver was my favourite to win. Quirkily stylish, effortlessly cool and consistently grateful for the opportunity she was getting, it seemed like a complete no brainer to me that Amelia Lily would breeze through to the live shows and beat off other less interesting competitors week by week, until she was eventually crowned winner and beloved by all.  But, much like she did with her own solo career, Kelly Rowland managed to royally fuck things up by sending Amelia Lily home in the first week (not before she cut and dyed her hair pink though.  Smooth move K-Row).  


Weeks went by and I was still mourning the loss of Strawberry Shortcake , until the musical gods sent me two blessings at once - Frankie Cocozza was gone and in his place, Amelia Lily would return to the competition.  Yes, she may have finished third but it was more than enough to grant her a record deal and a much more memorable finishing position than last.

Now here we are, and Amelia is the last of last year's alumni to release her debut single (well, she's the last one I care about anyway).  'You Bring Me Joy' was one of my most anticipated single releases of the year and when I first heard it today I was... so disappointed. "Where's the energy? Where's her personality? WHERE'S THE MIDDLE 8?!" I asked myself as I opted to watch this again and cry into my keyboard.  And yet, I kept going back to the song.  I assumed it was because I wanted to force myself to love it, to love her debut single as much as I loved her on the show.  As it turns out, I was going back to it for a much more simple reason - the song is pretty fucking ace.  


That chorus is one of Xenomania's catchiest of late and the restrained vocals aren't a sign that the song is boring (as I initially thought), rather they are a way of showing that she's perfectly capable of making an impressive song without hitting every note possible.  This song really does get better with every listen (it should also be listened to at a very loud volume. I've never really understood a song sounding better the louder it is until now) and is a far more intriguing direction for Amelia to go in than the Kelly Clarkson/P!nk sound, which was something I feared might happen.  

This album is going to be so perfect, I can feel it in my bones. I really, really hope she gets chart success, not just because I like her so much (which I do) but I also think it'd be pretty hilarious if the girl who they kicked off far too soon ended up being this series' main success story.

Now if she could do a nice acoustic cover version of E.T. as a bonus track for her debut album, I can die happy.

5/5

Lana Del Rey - National Anthem Music Video

Well this more than makes up for the looped trailer from yesterday.

Lana Del Rey has always been an artist who pays just as much attention to the visual aspect of her artistry as she does to the music and it pays off in the music video for 'National Anthem'.  While there really isn't much of a storyline to the video, other than Lana and A$AP Rocky as JFK and Jackie O thoroughly enjoying their time as the heads of State, it manages to capture the oddly celebratory and melancholy feel of the song itself.  It reminded me of her early cut and paste visuals for Video Games and the original Blue Jeans video, although National Anthem has a much clearer narrative to follow (and of course looks much more expensive).  There is also a sense of dread that creeps up throughout the video, but that's probably because anyone who knows the story of JFK knows that as soon as these two get in that convertible, things are not going to end well.  


Still, it's her most interesting video to date and I for one am relieved she's released a video where her lover ends up dead instead of her.  The final two minutes of the video, in which Lana talks of her love for this man who is "torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him" could have easily come across as pretentious but instead seems heartfelt.  When it comes from a singer who wears her heart on her sleeve as obviously as Lana does, this closing monologue is more captivating than eye-roll inducing.  In my honest opinion the video didn't need to be this long, but the opening and closing chapters are intriguing enough that I won't be skipping them anytime I watch the video.

National Anthem started out as a much more upbeat affair (never forget), and if it had stayed that way this video would never have worked.  This video really shows how grand this song was always supposed to be and the album version is as perfect as it could get.  All hail Lana Del Slay.

5/5

Azealia Banks - Liquorice Music Video

Do you feel lucky, kunt?

It's almost strange to think that Azealia Banks has achieved her level of popularity all off the back of one, admittedly amazing, song and video (and a series of twitter arguments with just about everyone and their mother).  Well now she's finally released a second full length video for the second single off her 1991 EP 'Liquorice'.

Featuring a series of flawless outfits, weaves that solidify her Yung Rapunzel moniker and a few less than subtle phallic moments featuring ice lollies and hotdogs, the video for 'Liquorice' has provided Azealia fans (and haters) with even more proof that when it comes to visuals she really can do no wrong.  The whole thing is like an even more intimidating Naomi Campbell after she's been exiled to the wild, wild West for attacking one too many assistants.  Azealia really does look beautiful.  I am so ready for the Fantasea mixtape, Broke With Expensive Taste and her show in Manchester later this year.

Cheryl 'Screw You (feat. Wretch 32)' & 'Craziest Things (feat. will.i.am)'

Hot on the heels of the news that her latest release is on track to become the fastest selling single of the year (by a considerable amount), the artist formerly known as Cheryl Cole has premiered two songs off her third studio album A Million Lights, 'Screw You (feat. Wretch 32)' and 'Craziest Things' featuring her manager and lapdog will.i.am.  I would like to get this out of the way before I start; Cheryl Cole really, really infuriates me.  She is beautiful, she has a decent voice, as one fifth of the greatest British girl group of all time she clearly knows a good pop song when she hears one, she's a captivating performer and has more than enough of her labels attention and resources to ensure that she surrounds herself with the best producers and writers that she possibly can.  And yet, two albums into her solo career and she has barely enough solid material to put on an EP.  Debut effort 3 Words sounded oddly dated and managed to be completely void of any personality but somehow managed to sell well (no doubt off the back of the charming lead single 'Fight For This Love'), and the less said about the dismal Messy Little Raindrops the better.


Still, I find Cheryl to be far too charming and full of potential to ever write her off completely.  When she announced her new album and single, I wasn't expecting anything special at all (except for a few pretty photo-shoots, I really can't stress how beautiful she is).  To my surprise 'Call My Name' has become one of the most played songs on my iPod and her 'live' performances of it have slayed me entirely (that swan dive), and the two newest songs she's released are already head and shoulders above the material on her second album.  'Screw You' plays out like a much cooler version of Madonna's 'I Don't Give A'; a cool, calm and collected middle finger to a past lover who mistreated her.  Yes, it's a bit on the nose lyrically but I find that Cheryl's music tends to pack more of a punch when the link to her personal life is glaringly obvious ('Fight For This Love', 'Parachute' and 'Promise This' come to mind).  She may not write the lyrics, but she knows what assumptions people are going to make and plays up to them, and that's part of what makes her such a great pop star.  Her vocal delivery on 'Screw You' calls to mind the moment on Girls Aloud's Tangled Up tour when she burst into Kelis' 'Trick Me' and the end of 'Control Of The Knife', and as that is my favourite Cheryl moment of all time, I can't really pay this song a much higher compliment.

4/5

Now for the will.i.am offering, 'Craziest Things'.  Admittedly it's not as exciting as 'Screw You', but as far as other will.i.am assisted songs go, this sounds much better than I was expecting.  Part of the reason I had such a problem with Cheryl's debut album was the fact that the will.i.am produced songs sounded like demos he was preparing for other artists - 'Craziest Things' sounds like he had no one else in mind when he was putting it together, and it's precisely the kind of chilled out song that Cheryl shines on (or would have shone on, if will had spent more time making these songs instead of boredom inducing '3 Words' style numbers).  

3/5

So, if I can somehow make sure that my copy of A Million Lights is missing the truly abominable 'Love Killer', I may actually find myself getting pretty excited for Cheryl's latest release, mainly because I really would like to see her create a piece of work that actually reflects what a great pop star she is.  That and the sooner this album is out and promoted, the sooner Cheryl can take her rightful place with Sarah, Kimberly, Nicola and Nadine and make my life complete again. 

Sky Ferreira - Red Lips

Oh Sky Ferreira, what have you done?

Ever since I first heard 'One' back in 2010 I've been a huge fan of yours.  Follow up single 'Obsession' may not have been quite as intriguing but it was still a pretty great pop song and your first EP As If! has been on repeat on my iPod for over a year.  So after showing that you really are very skilled in the electro pop field, you've thrown it out the window and presented your fans with 'Red Lips'. 


This song is pretty much the antithesis of Sky's previous releases, in that it's extremely unoriginal and in fact, it's kind of boring.  It effectively doubles as a forgotten album track from Garbage (unsurprising as Shirley Manson helped co-write the song) or even The Pretty Reckless.  This is the first instance of Sky's slightly bored sounding vocals not working in her favour, and it's also the first time she's sounded uncomfortable on a song (this may have something to do with the video though, as Sky looks as comfortable as... well as comfortable as you'd expect someone in their underwear, smeared in lipstick and being accosted by a hairy tarantula to look).

I can't help but wonder if this song would seem more exciting if Sky hadn't excelled so much in her previous musical releases.  It's difficult for me to get behind a song like 'Red Lips' when I know she's capable of a song like 'Sex Yeah' or 'Haters Anonymous'.  Either way I'm pleased that this isn't the official first single from Wild At Heart as I'm certain Sky has better music to offer.  I've always seen her as someone who'll rise to the top of her game regardless of what genre of music she puts her hand to, 'Red Lips' is just an unfortunate misstep.  Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to listen to '99 Tears' on repeat and pray to the music gods that there will be at least one Bloodshy & Avant song on her debut album.


2.5/5

Florrie 'Late' EP

"When I've finished with you there won't be any place left to hide... and I'll see to that"

After years of releasing her music independently, Florrie has announced that she's finally signing to a major label.  But she's not going to do that without sending the fans who've supported her as an independent artist one last gift, the four track 'Late' EP.  I don't really see the point in leaving my consensus until the end of this review so I'm going to just dive right in (a method of 'slutty critiquing' if you will) - 'Late' is brilliant.  


The EP opens with Shot You Down.  With it's video-game bleeps, insanely catchy guitar refrains and the fact that it is compiled of four or five lyrics that are repeated at seemingly random points, it's almost impossible for me not to make a connection between Florrie's music and that of Girls Aloud (which is the highest compliment I could give an artist, except for maybe comparing them to a hybrid of Britney and Madonna).  This comparison isn't surprising considering Florrie's involvement with GA production house Xenomania, and much like a lot of their best work, Shot You Down avoids the typical 'verse-chorus-verse' song structure in favour of a 'hook-hook-hook' blueprint.  Shot You Down is a thrilling way to open this EP and I dare any listener not to have 'I pull the trigger on our love' caught in their head after listening.


My personal favourite I'm Gonna Get You Back is next.  The production on this song is instantly more urgent than on Shot You Down, eventually descending into a cacophony of spliced vocals, echoes and fizzy synths in the songs pleasantly surprising final minute.  This song is breathless, fast paced and has more bears more than a striking resemblance to Marina & The Diamond's 'Electra Heart' opener Bubblegum Bitch.  Think of I'm Gonna Get You Back as the classier older sister to Marina's Bubblegum Bitch, albeit a classy girl prone to mental breakdowns.  It's also fitting that this is a song about the time after a relationship ends, as it could be seen as an aural account of a couple's time together, starting out relatively neat and organised and eventually collapsing into a bit of a (very pretty) mess.  When a relationship sounds like this, it's no wonder Florrie wants him back.


According to Florrie Every Inch was written "a dark January night" and it's easy to see that the cold and dark weather imbued itself onto this song.  There's a frosty exterior to this song, the girl singing it is not sympathetic and caring, her various put downs ("You got money in your pocket, your clothes are looking hot but I ain't looking for somebody like you") are icy and succinct, much like the song itself.  There's also a background vocal (at least I think it's a vocal) that sounds just like a ghost, and it was one of the more innovative aspects of the EP that really stuck out to me.  The stabbing synths of this song make it sound like a lost remix of an 80's track, and it is one of the most impressive songs Florrie has ever released.


The closer to the EP, To The End, is a well-timed breather of sorts.  Not quite as hectic as the three songs which came before, this song reminds me of Sophie Ellis-Bextor when she is at her best.  However this comparison doesn't extend to their vocals, as Florrie's voice has a lot more vulnerability in comparison to the ever detached Sophie, and To The End is one example where Florrie has the upper hand.  While I prefer Florrie when she's making songs with a slightly more deranged production than To The End, it is a perfect way to close a collection of songs as strong as 'Late', and serves its purpose well as a segue between independent Florrie and her label-backed material to come.


Pop music this refreshing doesn't come around very often, and with the current popularity of LOLpop like LMFAO and Will.I.Am, it should be a necessity for any self-respecting music fan to download 'Late' and remind themselves just how amazing pop music can be.  Florrie obviously has an ear for creating music which successfully rides the line between avant-garde and commercially catchy tunes, and I'm so glad she took her time as an independent artist to find and perfect her own sound because if 'Late' is anything to go by, her debut album is going to be something very special indeed.  

4.5/5

Kylie 'Timebomb'

Say what you want about Kylie Minogue but she certainly knows how to treat her fans.  While news of yet another greatest hits album (especially one missing the beautiful single 'The One') may not be enough to excite her die hard fans, a brand new single and video certainly is.


It's not uncommon for artists to record any old song to accompany their compilation albums (I'm looking at you Christina), but Kylie has avoided such a fate not once but twice.  Firstly with the beautiful 'I Believe In You', a song which is now recognised as one of the best of her career, and now with 'Timebomb'.  While it's not as striking as the former song, 'Timebomb' is still a resounding success as it manages to marry a thoroughly modern sound with the best parts of her hit and miss album 'X'.  Lyrically it's nothing spectacular but the song is extremely catchy (that 'woop' refrain in the chorus is going to be stuck in your head all day after your first listen) and should have no problem attaining chart success for the Australian pop queen.

But really the best thing about the song (and it's video) is just how effortless it all seems.  With a simple song about dancing and a video with no real storyline or arresting visuals, Kylie has still managed to create one of the more exciting pop songs of the year thus far.  It really is no surprise that she's celebrating her 25th anniversary of being at the forefront of pop music, and 'Timebomb' should remind everyone why (not that anyone should need reminding).


4.5/5

Saint Lou Lou - 'Maybe You'

Saint Lou Lou - Maybe You

'Heartbreak pop'.  It's that specific strand of pop music that can easily make you want to dance one moment and cry uncontrollably in the foetal position the next (not that I've ever done this after hitting the repeat button on 'Dancing On My Own' too many times...).  The past year or so has had more than its fair share of heartbreak pop pioneers, the most obvious being Robyn and her incomparable ability to tell a story in her songs  so true that it's as though she's ripped a page from your diary.  Then there was Hurts, whose stoicism lent itself to very impressive visuals, but despite this their music leaving me cold more often than not and I haven't really listened to their album much since it came out.  Last year's album of choice was The Sound Of Arrows' 'Voyage', 57 minutes of hypnotic and dreamy sounds that I really can't fault in any way (My Shadow is one of my top ten favourite songs ever).  



Now, continuing the trend of duos whose sole aim appears to be daring their listeners to begin bawling on the dancefloor, comes Saint Lou Lou.  Devastatingly beautiful identical twins, their debut single 'Maybe You' is an utter delight in the vein of past 'sadpop' singles.  As a huge fan of The Sound Of Arrows, I can pay this song no higher compliment than saying that it would have fit perfectly on Voyage.  Seriously, it sounds like a bonus track sang by The Arrows' equally talented and equally melancholy younger sisters.  If anything, Saint Lou Lou's vocal delivery is more convincing than their male counterparts, as there's a slightly contradictory feel to the song.  The spoke/sung verses don't do much to prepare you for the chorus, which is both subdued and full of longing, desire and regret.  It packs a punch, albeit a punch after which you land on a million fluffy pillows (or clouds, songs like this always make me imagine roaming freely in the clouds.  I really don't know why).  Honestly, the song is pretty beautiful and moving and if there was any justice, Saint Lou Lou would release an album full of songs of this calibre, smash charts worldwide and become poster girls for great music everywhere.


But pop music is rarely fair and the chances are that this song is the very best they'll ever release, an oft-delayed album will sink without a trace and their music will be relegated to random episodes of teen dramas.  I live in hope...


4.5/5